Posts

Skinny Dipping

I decided to take a dip in the pool, only to find out ALL these n***as are just like you. You see, It wasn’t about the shiny things  or the places you could take me, I just wanted you to date me, exclusively. When I ask why you don’t take me seriously, You get all reclusive and talk about how it used to be. Why is it that I’m begging you to show me some emotion, That’s something you’re not exposed to. But when I go out and do my own thing with other guys, You then realize, That you ain’t ready to lose me. Keep me just within arms reach, But far enough so I don’t get too attached. You rather go be with her, her, & her, as if the love between us can be matched. I’m so f*ckin tired of this merry-go-round you got me living in. The emotional roller coaster is too much to bear, So I rather just go sit in it. That pool with them other n**gas. Because at least with them, I ain’t gotta pretend, to be heartless, Or to let my soul spark shit, that’s never going nowhere.
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These Underwear Have Meaning

— When was the last time I’ve cleaned out my closet? Not the one where my graphic tees and sweats lie. The one where my broken friendships haven’t been removed. And my unhealed family traumas haven’t been folded. I’m trying to make space for new connections, And I haven’t even decluttered the dresser to my ex’s mistreatment. Even a bit scared to open the bins to self awareness. Because then, I’ll actually have to face my misconduct. So I keep the door shut, And hope you’ll accept my mess.
Location: Baltimore, MD, USA
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Lost

Nobody told me that growing into a spiritual journey would feel like a death. Letting go of all that I know makes me feel like I’m selling out. Like I’m giving up on the people that were there for me during my struggles. It feels like I’m judging everybody and everything they do. Like I’m on a “high horse”. Like I think I’m better than everyone. It feels like I’m not giving people grace to be themselves.  When really, I’m just trying to fit in spaces where people don’t want to like me for who I am.  I said, I’m just trying to fit in spaces where people don’t want to like me for who I am.  So really am I judging?  Or am I surrounding myself in places that I’m not meant to be in. All my life it’s been so hard to feel connected. To my family. To my “friends”. And guilt creeps in. When I want to be left alone.  And I feel like I can’t trust the people that are closest to me.  I hope this never reaches them.  What’s real and what’s just really in my head?...
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I Hope This Finds You Well

Hey you, With your fine ass. You know I always compliment your skin, And how perfect you are, In the physical. But let me take this moment to show you some appreciation. When we first started out, I didn’t want more than an emotionally unavailable connection with you. But even you wouldn’t let it be just that. In a time where I was hurting, you gave me space. You even told me you recognize that I am going through my healing phase. Now, you could be just that damn toxic, but you’ve always handled me with care. Even when you confuse me with your actions. You see, it’s the little things you do for me that keep me invested. Like having a positive response to every defeat I have inside my own head. Showing me a new way to live and to be healthy. Pushing me to excerise and take care of my body. I was so mad at you for pushing me to my limit this one particular day, But I couldn’t even address it because I knew it was all for my improvement. Even when you don’t say anything, You build me up. ...
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