Live Your Truth

“Live your truth and stop settling for less than you deserve because it makes you temporarily happy.”

What is my truth? I’ve been asking myself this for a very long time. All I know is that I haven’t been living it. I pretend that I am living because of temporary happiness, which most of us do. We pretend. We settle for less because we know it’s making us happy for the moment. But what is our truth? We can label ourselves as many things but is it true? Okay, I’ll tell you guys a little story about myself. I’m only twenty three years old. I was dating someone for a number of years (I know, I’m so young to be dating someone for years… but that has significance to the story). So anyways, I really loved this guy, I loved being around him, I loved smelling his scent and I just couldn’t be away from him for too long. But with this comes my territorial issues. I am very possessive to say the least when I find someone that I can completely be myself around (as this is a hard task for me). So being the person that I am (or was at the time, Idk) I would do the typical insecure girlfriend things. I would go through his phone, look through his social media accounts, and just be outright suspicious of EVERYTHING. And the saying is true “If you go looking for something you are going to find it.” As I did on numerous occasions. I saw it all. Text messages, social media messages, and even ran into a couple of people in person. Long story short, I knew my TRUTH was for me to NOT be with this guy no matter how comfortable I was with him. Not to say he was a bad person at all but he just was not the one for me, and our time with each other was not going to last forever as I had hoped. And deep down inside I KNEW IT but there goes that temporary happiness again. How was I going to survive without the one person I talk to every single day? The one person I kissed, made love to and told I loved for years. The one that had my back on multiple occasions and was willing to do whatever to make me smile. The one that apologized for every mistake he has made to me and promised he wouldn’t do it again (even though he did). The one that kept me grounded and showed me how to give rather that to receive all the time. I blamed myself sooo many times. “It’s my fault for looking”. “It’s my fault for not trusting him”. “Why do I have such trust issues”? “Why am I being so dumb over someone who clearly does not care about me”? I tried to confide in my friends so many times but none of them could understand what I was going through because they hadn’t dealt with it in their relationships, or just didn’t care to address it. I knew I couldn’t find solace in telling them what was going on because I knew they would never be able to mend my broken heart. But none of that has to do with the underlying issue. It wasn’t my TRUTH. It was not my T R U T H. I couldn’t see it at the time but eventually I took my blinders off and realized how I was living. I was living a lie for temporary happiness. Allowing someone to hurt me so much that I became damaged on the inside and didn’t even realize it. I was comfortable, I was content for the longest time. Accepting less than I deserved because it made me happy in the moment. It took me a while to start to think about my future. But I did it, I started to live my truth? Fast forwarding to now, I still don’t think I am fully living my truth however. I still settle for temporary happiness ESPECIALLY when it comes to guys and dating. I continue to deal with guys who don’t want to see themselves with me in the future and guys who don’t even really understand what type of blessing I could be to their lives, lol. Sometimes I feel like my truth is that I am not meant for love. And that brings me to the point I made earlier about dating someone for a number of years. Sometimes my truth feels like I’m meant to be a casual dater, and not a long term dater. Maybe my truth is that I’m not supposed to be dating someone for a long time, but rather to experience what it’s like dating different types of people. Not men, people (referring to women as well). Some women aren’t meant to be family women. Some women are just destined to be successful in their careers. Not saying this is me but it’s a possibility that honestly crosses my mind a lot. It’s not a good thought but hey, I am human. We all are. But now at twenty three years old I believe I can truly understand the difference between living my truth and living in the pit of temporary happiness. And that is the first step. Knowing the difference. How to learn your truth? Experience. I don’t know this for sure but this is honestly the best answer I’ve got. You won’t learn your truth until you experience different things and feel the happiness. I can’t wait to experience this. Because when you know, you know. My gut does not lie to me. EVER. No matter how much I don’t listen to it, it has honestly never steered me in the wrong direction. But the question you should ask yourself is: Have I been living my truth?

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