Death

So when we think about our deaths, what do we normally think about? We think about things like diseases such as cancer and diabetes. We think of high blood pressure. We think of natural disasters, car crashes, and maybe even getting shot. But you know the one single thing that is just as equally disastrous as all those other things that we NEVER think about when it comes to death? Love. Yup, love. How can love kill you one might ask? Honestly in many ways. And really, people think we can avoid that disaster but love is just like any other life-threatening disease, there are ways to try prevent it but there’s really no way of stopping it. When it comes, it comes full force. Is there a way of curing it though? Well, time could be the cure for love but that’s not the point of this post. The point of this post is to tell you how I feel about this disease called love. Love. Love. Love. Why do people allow themselves to be SO vulnerable? That’s all love is. Vulnerability. I mean, we know we can’t be open with others like we are with our loved ones. And when I say loved ones in this post I’m not referring to family or friends. I’m referring to our significant others. When it comes to me, I am still going through mental turmoil when it comes to that term love, so it’s almost as if I am refusing to let anyone get close to me. Love is death. Ever known of an older couple who have been together for so long that when one passes away the other one goes right behind? Love equals death. Have you ever personally been physically sick because you broke up with someone that you saw every day and you just stopped seeing them all together? Love equals death. This post is very personal to me because I’ve experienced both of those scenarios. And you know what? I love the idea of love. I want to experience genuine happiness with someone. I want to be able to travel with my loved one, learn new things, and grow together. But all the other things that come with that just makes me wonder is it really worth it. Tonight, I had an encounter with someone in a relationship (Not gonna refer to him by name because that’s tacky). I posted a picture of myself (I’m 23 and sexy, why not? lol). And he sends me the fire flame emojis and the heart eyes face. Now, normally I’m flattered by this but in this case I know he has a girlfriend so I’m not flattered at all. In fact I’m curious about why he sent it to me knowing that I know that he has a girlfriend. So I said “You know your girlfriend wouldn’t like it if she knew you sent me this”. His response: “I know I was just complimenting you, I’m sorry I won’t do it again”. Now typically I don’t make statements like this because other people’s relationships don’t concern me and I’m single but today I was genuinely curious about why guys do this. It has not happened to me once since being single, not even twice. But on NUMEROUS occasions guys in relationships have flirted or made an inappropriate pass at me. Love equals death. If I put myself in her shoes I would be crushed that my boyfriend did this not only once but on multiple occasions. And how many other girls get the same treatment? And because of this feeling alone, is why I try to avoid the deadly disease of love. Why would I want to put myself in that situation? Why would I willingly allow myself to be that vulnerable to give another human being all of me knowing that they could potentially take my heart and throw it onto the ground and walk away as if nothing happened? It’s just the same as eating all the foods that you know cause cancer. Or getting into a car without a seatbelt knowing people drive completely reckless. Or moving to that state that you know has high rates of earthquakes or tornados. You know what it could lead to but you take the chance anyway because it’s the choice you want to make. So that’s leads me to my last question. Is love really equivalent to dying or is love actually living?

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