Locked.

Why do I feel like this? Like I’m secluded. How am I supposed to be a good friend to you yet you act as if I don’t exist. And it’s not just you. It’s all of you. Why do I have to beg to be included in your world? We’ve been doing this for years now yet, I have to scream and shout for you to realize I care? Why do I have to guess and wonder from the outside? I’m standing right outside your window of life. You keep telling me that I’m invited inside anytime but when I go to turn the knob the door is locked. But then you yell at me for not entering the house. I’m trying to explain to you that the door is locked. I want to come in but I can’t. I’m standing at this door all alone. Now, I admit. I can be selfish. In fact I’m more likely to be selfish than generous. But that’s because when I was introduced to someone like you, I didn't want to lose it. But why won’t you let me in? Is it because you think I’m too stuck in my own world to realize what’s happening in yours? Why do I have to FIGHT for you to know I am here for you? This is absolute bullshit and you know it. As much as I would like to come inside I’m only gonna twist the knob but so many times before I realize it’s locked. I’m stuck sitting right outside because this is where you wanted me. Don’t try to pretend that this is my fault. Like I’m not there enough. I could be such a great friend but I feel so secluded from you. And like I said it’s not just you, it’s ALL of you. When did the word friend mean hide important parts of your life to me? When did it mean to keep secrets from someone you should be able to trust the most? And when you get the same treatment from me don’t act all surprised. I care now but eventually I won’t. Then you’ll be upset because I won’t ever try to turn that knob again. In fact, you’ll be standing outside in the cold. You’ll be at my door, feet wet and muddy from the rain. You’ll be trying to turn the knob to my door. Will it be locked or unlocked?

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