Wine Talk with Amber

 I know when you come I’ll be prepared for you. I won’t always be the perfect lover though. Sometimes, I’ll undercook our dinner. I’ll start petty arguments some days,  Tell you I'm too tired to do the dishes, Maybe even tell you I need time by myself. There's one thing I know for certain though: Each day will be different, but I’ll pour into them with as much effort as the day requires and then some. I’ll have your best interest at heart 100% of the way. I’m already so excited to spend my days with you, And my nights in your arms. I can see us embarking on a journey through some of my favorite activities, At the same time learning what it is that keeps your soul smiling. I’m overjoyed about the places we will go, and the foods we’ll eat. I can’t wait to hear all the stories about your life. And to learn special quirks about you in the moment as we make our own stories. I’m excited to fight over which couch looks better in our living room, and to make our own annual traditions...

I decided to take a dip in the pool, only to find out ALL these n***as are just like you. You see, It wasn’t about the shiny things  or the places you could take me, I just wanted you to date me, exclusively. When I ask why you don’t take me seriously, You get all reclusive and talk about how it used to be. Why is it that I’m begging you to show me some emotion, That’s something you’re not exposed to. But when I go out and do my own thing with other guys, You then realize, That you ain’t ready to lose me. Keep me just within arms reach, But far enough so I don’t get too attached. You rather go be with her, her, & her, as if the love between us can be matched. I’m so f*ckin tired of this merry-go-round you got me living in. The emotional roller coaster is too much to bear, So I rather just go sit in it. That pool with them other n**gas. Because at least with them, I ain’t gotta pretend, to be heartless, Or to let my soul spark shit, that’s never going nowhere.

— When was the last time I’ve cleaned out my closet? Not the one where my graphic tees and sweats lie. The one where my broken friendships haven’t been removed. And my unhealed family traumas haven’t been folded. I’m trying to make space for new connections, And I haven’t even decluttered the dresser to my ex’s mistreatment. Even a bit scared to open the bins to self awareness. Because then, I’ll actually have to face my misconduct. So I keep the door shut, And hope you’ll accept my mess.